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You mean you don’t pocket-mulch?

It’s recently come to my attention that some folks I know have not seen the greatest Simpsons episode of all-time, “Lisa the Treehugger,” which pokes fun at vegans’ (perceived) pretension.

In it, Lisa befriends an animal rights activist (see right) and visits him in prison.

I can’t find a YouTube clip of their conversation, so the transcript is below. I hope it gives you a chuckle.

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Lisa: You do Yoga?

Jesse: Yeah, but I started before it was cool.

Lisa: My name’s Lisa Simpson. I think your protest was incredibly brave.

Jesse: Thank you. This planet needs every friend it can get.

Lisa: Oh, the earth is the best! That’s why I’m a vegetarian.

Jesse: Heh. Well, that’s a start.

Lisa: Uh, well, I was thinking of going vegan.

Jesse: I’m a level 5 vegan — I won’t eat anything that casts a shadow.

Lisa: Wow. Um … I started an organic compost pile at home.

Jesse: Only at home? You mean you don’t pocket-mulch? [takes out pocket mulch for Lisa to feel]

Lisa: Oh, it’s so decomposed! Do you think I could join Dirt First?

Jesse: Well … we might have an opening at the poser level.

Lisa: Oh, thank you, thank you!

I always knew I liked Apu best

Lisa: When will all those fools learn that you can be perfectly healthy simply eating vegetables, fruits, grains and cheese?
Apu: Oh, cheese!
Lisa: You don’t eat cheese, Apu?
Apu: No, I don’t eat any food that comes from an animal.
Lisa: Ohh, then you must think I’m a monster!
Apu: Yes, indeed I do think that. But, I learned long ago, Lisa, to tolerate others rather than forcing my beliefs on them. You know, you can influence people without badgering them always. It’s like Paul [McCartney]’s song, “Live and Let Live.”
Paul: Actually, it was “Live and Let Die.”
Apu: Well, whatever, whatever. it had a good rhythm.

The Simpsons, “Lisa the Vegetarian”

The cruelty of man

Indeed, people speak sometimes about the “animal” cruelty of man, but that is terribly unjust and offensive to animals, no animal could ever be so cruel as a man, so artfully, so artistically cruel.

- Fyodor Dostoyevsky, The Brothers Karamazov

image by mamapajama97 via Creative Commons.
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